Thursday, April 24, 2014

(Source: maddifacee)

  • kid: dad whats a 69
  • dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

martinfreeman:

seals are the dogs of the sea

carbs99999:

Jacobs by Marc Jacobs for Marc by Marc Jacobs in collaboration with Marc Jacobs for Marc by Marc Jacobs

(Source: dogs99999)

netlfix:

hash browns will be served at my wedding

(Source: netlfix)

barebackinq:

burritobat:

samshairisobviouslymagical:

barebackinq:

cumber-collectable:

barebackinq:

petal-winters:

barebackinq:

The girl who was my elementary school girl friend just got engaged and I’m sitting here single wearing a pug shirt and hamburger underwear

Just remember, u r someone’s dream girl

I’m a boy

Tumblr has made us forget that some people are actually straight

I’m gay

jesus this post is one train wreck after another

My great grandpa got hit by a train once.

image

usingtimewisely:

I think about this joke a lot.

(Source: tiptons)

  • Girl: come over
  • Me: I don't have a gif detailing my current situation
  • Girl: my parents aren't home
  • Me:

scrapes:

fileformat:

selfiekween:

MY MAiN GOAL iS TO BLOW UP AND ACT LiKE i DON’T KNOW NOBODY

this literally made my stomach hurt like actual nausea I’m not being funny

hes so ugly i swear hes a demon… those teef…. im do e

(Source: thesourpuss)